Harry Potter presents SM:TV Live
by Jenny2
Summary: Harry, Ron and Hermione are presenting the show with a guest apperance from Voldie who is a little different from usual...
1. Default Chapter Title

Harry Potter presents SM:TV Live!  
Sorry to any Americans, u wont get it unless you have seen the show but any one who has seen the show   
probably still wont get it! It's a tad insane. Its basically this Saturday morning show with three presenter and there   
are other TV programs on it and then their own things. neway here it is…  
Herm : Helloooooooooo everybody! I'm Hermione Granger  
Harry: Hi I'm Harry Potter!  
Ron: and I'm ….. um who am I?  
Herm: And he's Ron Weasley  
Ron: oh yeah, I'm Ron Weasley, the guy who repeats everything and states the obvious. Sometimes I do ramble on a bit as well…  
Harry coughs loudy.  
Ron: Oops I did it again… I played with your heart, got lost….  
Harry coughs again.  
Ron: Oops I did it again!  
Herm: Ron! Now here is Challenge Harry!  
Theme tune comes up 'Challenge Harry Challenge Harry……'  
Ron: Hello and welcome to Challenge Harry and here is the king himself… Harry!  
Harry walks on in a red cape  
Ron: So Harry 12-1 down in the series huh? You really need to win this one don't you.  
Harry: Um yeah.  
Ron: So Harry do you want to meet your opponent? Well it is none other than the one, the only Lord Voldermort! Ron starts to scream like a girl and gets off his chair and starts running round in small circles.   
Ron: Arrrrgggggggggggg I said Voldermort's name I said Voldermort's name! Arrrggggg I did it again!   
During this Voldermort walks in carring loads of shopping bags.  
Voldie: Hellloooooo darlings! Sorry I'm a tad late the queues in Selfridges were rather awful but I bought the most georgeous, yes the most georgeous shoes. They are so cute and so this season. You'll love them, I just know you will!  
Ron has once again sat down and is now muttering insanely to himself. Harry is sitting in his chair looking completely gob smacked.  
Harry : er.. voldermort, Are you feeling alright? I mean should'nt you be trying to kill me at this point?  
Voldie: Harry, Harry, Harry, you think I would hold a grudge for that long? No darling, I'm over it! Less killing means I have more time to shop shop shop till I drop! Harde ha ha!   
Harry: er .. right  
Hermione from offstage: Get on with the show Ron!  
Ron stops muttering to himself, looks up, sees voldermort and starts screaming but Hermione quickily mutters something under her breath and Ron looks to Voldermort like he is an old friend.  
Ron : Voldie, my mate! How you been?  
Voldie: Oh splendid Ronnie, quite splendid.  
Ron : Right. Well lets get on with the game. You know the rules, you say 5 quwstions and harry has to try and answer them all right. At the end of the game you can gamble for the star prize which is a banana holder! Right first question to get a banana. Voldie fire away!  
Voldie gets out his sparklingly clean wand to shoot fire but Ron quickily stops him.  
Ron: I meant fire away with the questions not fire away Harry's head!  
Voldie : Oh, right then. This is jolly spiffing! This is my first question. Harry, how many pairs of shoes do I own?  
Harry: Um 200, 000?  
Ron: Correct! Harry, one point.  
Voldie: Right, um never mind. Um how many bananas has Ron eaten in his life?  
Harry: Oh I know this one! 2345678 bananas!  
Harry looks at Ron who has a guilty face holding an empty banana skin.   
Ron: er Sorry Harry, its now 2345679. Voldermort one point.  
Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOO! Its not fair!  
Harry starts crying.  
Harry's supermodel girlfriend come in wearing very little clothing.  
Supermodel girlfriend: Come on sweetie, cheer up.  
Harry looks up at her and instantly stops crying.  
Supermodel gf looks at Voldermort: wow! Whos the hottie? He is sooo cute! I love his shoes!  
Voldie: Who me? yes my shoes are rather divine! But um I'm not sure I'm a 'hottie' to you. I'm afraid I had a sex change.  
Ron: really?! Weeeeeell that means we can starts going out. How about Friday at nine?   
Hermione runs on  
Herm: But Ron, what about us?  
Freeze frame. Dum dum dum!  
(I know freeze frame is meana be on chums but I'm the author so I've changed it)  
Voice out of no - where: Who will Ron choose, Hermione or Voldermort? Who will Voldermort choose? Is he ever going to kill Harry and most importantly who is going to win Challenge Harry and win the banana holder. Find out next time on SM:TV live!  
The end. Well I will right more depending on how many reviews I get(hint hint). I'll do Ron Says (hehe!) and Chums which should be funny. I'll prob do Wonkey Donkey as well and maybe go onto CD:UK with singing wizards and witches(dumbledore!)  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co belong to JKRowling and SMTV and Challenge Ant idea belong to ITV or SM:TV live.Supermodel girlfriend belongs to anyone who wants her. I think that's it.  
  
  
  



	2. Harry Potter presents SM:TV Live - Part ...

Ok, here is part 2. If you haven't read part 1 yet you probably should before you read this completely insane story. The story so far- its challenge harry and Voldie is the contestant who is obsessed with shoes and Harry's supermodel girlfriend fancies him but Voldie has had a sex change so now Ron wants to go out with Voldie and Hermione is really upset.

Harry Potter Presents SM:TV Live Part 2-

DumbledorE comes in.

Dumbledor: Voldermort, what are you doing here? I shall have to stop you from killing Harry, but I do want you to be around for my first live singing performance in CD:UK later. *** **looks at the camera * yes everyone, my first singing performance here today at 12:00, you don't want to miss it! … Now how shall we sort this out. 

Dumbly looks around.

Hermione looks close to tears and is being comforted by Harry's girlfriend who has just broken up with him. Harry is being comforted by Voldie who is giving Harry a cup of coffee and a piece of cake. Ron is trying to get back together with Hermione but spots a Veela backstage and runs off to tell her how he has invented the first banana smelling shoes.

Dumbledore smiles

Dumbledore: Right, well I don't think we can finish Challenge Harry so I think I should win. I've won a banana holder and four banans, I can wait to tell my wife whos called Gorilla and is actually a monkey. Oh yes. 

Dumbledore starts daydreaming then snaps out of it.

Dumbledore: Here is the break, join us in a few minutes for Ron Says!

Comercial Break

Corny voice -Are you fed up with cleaning the house?

Pic of Mrs. Weasley comes up nodding

Corny voice - Do wish you had someone to do all your work? Of course you do. Well if you buy a craftmatic ajustible bed today we will give you a FREE! Wonder pillow. This may not help with your cleaning but it will keep you up all night to do chores as it is so lumpy and uncomfortable! Call 12345678 now for your expensive and useless bed and taky wonderpillow!

Next Advert - 

Girl dressed in pink clothes - If you don't want it swap it! Come to swap- it- shop now! We take all you belonging, pretend to swap them but keep them for ourselfs! ( if you have Trouble you will understand by I HATE swapitshop adverts. They are on like twice every break! Oh and I know this prob isnt as gd a the last one, I'm gonna try and make it more funny now)

SM:TV Live comes back on!

Herm: And now its time for Ron Says!

Ron: Hello, yes hello Ron fans, I know how many of you there are out there. * cheesy smile and wink * Now I know so many of you have problems, I cant quite understand what it is like to have a problem but never mind, I sympathis, really I do. * sounding rather like gildroy lockhart *

Harry walks over with piece of parchement.

Ron: Ah now here is a letter from needy Dean Thomas who attends Hogwarts School. He says 'To the Brilliant and extrodinarily talented Ron, 

I have a problem, at school I can never find a date for the dances and balls, I just don't know how to ask a girl out? Please help me! 

Well Dean, you have a real problem. Now when I was at school all the girls would be crowding round me, begging for me to go with them. Yes, when I say begging I mean begging. They would give me chocolates and brooms just wishing they could go with me…..

Camera turns to Harry and we can now here his thought

Harry: Ron? Getting a date? Yeah right, the only reason Ron got brooms was because girls used them to get him away from them. If only they knew the truth… if only!

Flashback to when Ron was at school- 

McGonagall: There will be a school Dance held next Friday in the great Hall. All students may attend from years 4 and upwards.

Ron is a chubby boy with food stains all down his robes and rotten banana skins for shoes with dirty red hair and a fringe covering his eyes.

Ron: Ah great, loads of girls are gonna ask me this time, I know it! But I'm gonna ask Fleur Delacor the exchange student, I bet she's just waiting for me to ask her. Here it goes…

Ron walks up to Fleur

Ron: umm… excuse me, Fleur will you go to the dance with me cause I'm just soo sexy I am.

Fleur screams : Arrggghhh dere is a monster in the castle 'elp me, 'elp me!

Ron: No Fleur its just me, Sexy Ronald!

Big guy in his 7th yr: Get away from her you rodent!

Ron walks off and bumps in to Hermione.

Ron: Hahahaha! Its Herm the Worm who can't find a date. Hah Hah hah!

Hermione: No Ronald, don't be so mean. I'm from Birmingham. Don't you like girls from Biiiiiirmingham? * Hermione shows off her big front teeth *

Ron: HAHAHAHA! I don't like worms from um…Smellingham! Hahaha! I'm so funny!

Hermione: No you are not Ronald, your not funny. And anyway I am going with someone to the ball.

Ron: You! No way, who would go with Herm the Worm?

Hermione: Don't call me that Ronald, or I'll tell Harry.

Ron: Harry who?

Herm: Harry, my date to the dance.

The ground starts shaking and Harry walks in rather larger than normal eating a cake or two or three.

Ron: Hah hah hah! It s Harry. He is so big the ground shake when he burps.

Herm: Don't be mean Ronald.

Ron: I don't like being nice to Worms and ..and ..and elephants!

Harry in a very high voice: Ronald, don't be mean about my size! And don't call Hermione a worm. She may be a bookworm but she is very nice and not a worm. 

Harry and Hermione walk off leaving Ron by himself.

Ron: Oh, no one will go with me, not even Herm the Worm. Never mind, I 'm sure there is someone in this school who finds me irrisistable!

Ron runs off and girls screams can be heard from his direction.

Back to the studio:

Ron: So I used to have to have a rota so all the girls could go with me. They had to have dances every night just for me so I could fit everyone in. I was always the king of the Dance. Anyway I hope that has answered all your questions Dean Thomas. Join me next week for more Ron Says * chessy smile and wink *

Hermione : And now its time for a comercial break but we'll be back with Chums if there are enough reviews! (hint hint!)

Okay,so any of you who thought I wasn't insane before probably now do! So Chums I'll do prob if I get reviews. Cya when I cya (except I will probably never ever c ne of you people ever! Or maybe I'm watching you right now. Yes I can c what your doing. I think you are on the internet on a computer. I feel a bit like Proffesor Trewelewny, maybe I should stop now. Oh yeah Disclaimer: jkr owns the character, ITV OWNS sm:tv including dec says and channelge harry or ant.

Now I'm off to watch the wonderful Charmed and say hello to The Power of Three, yipee! Ah, if only I could freeze time….


	3. Harry Potter presents SM:TV Live - part ...

Here is part 3 of SM:TV Live, it does not have that much 2 do with the other parts but u should definitely read then first. Hope ya like it!

Herm: And now here is Chums!

Lots of cheering!

Theme tune comes up with Harry, Hermione and Ron hitting each other on the heads with umbrellas. Jumping about etc.

'Never thought that comedy could ever be this way!

Ever week a different show, yet turn out all the same!

We'll be Chums forevver!

Forever

We will be Chums!'

Corny theme tune ends

Herm: Chums is filmed before we have time to think up a good plot.

Ron and Harry are siting in the Chums living room.

Ron: Ah, Harry, I'm so glad we changed our minds about become spades for the rest of our lives.

Harry: er… Ron, when did we ever even consider becoming spades?

Ron: Oops, that was just one of my dreams again. I had a nice one last night, I was sand at a beach, lots of little grains of sand…..

Harry: Hermione! Ron has gone insane again, should I call the mental hospital?

Hermione walks out of the door that seems to lead to all of the bedrooms, the loo, the kitchen (even though its painted on the wall)etc…

Hermione: Erm, no, lets just put him to sleep. Lift a pink sledge hammer and stufts it into Rons mouth

Them hits him on the head.

Snores erupt from Ron's large frekaly (I cant spell) nose. 

Knock Knock.

Hermione: Who could that be?

Walks over and opens the door.

Herm: Its Draco Malfoy!

Malfoy: Hello you sad freaks, is this where you live now? HAHAHAHAhahahahhaha!hhhuhuhuhuh

uhu.

Malfoy's laughs turn into tears.

Malfoy: You are so lucky!This is heaven compaired to where I live! I live in a pig sty, literally, Voldie was not to please when I stuck that muggle pencil up his nose and he could not get it out...

Bows down his head

Harry: Malfoy, what are you doing here? You can't come and live with us if that's what you want.

Ron starts mubbling in his sleep and everyone turns to look at him.

Ron: Me and Hermione all alone in the flat, I think, yes, I think I'm going to kiss her, here goes. Ding Dong oh no there is someone at the door and I cant kiss my beloved Hermione.

Harry and Malfoy look at Hermione who is blushing a deep red.

Hermione: Maybe now would be a good time to call the mental hospital eh?

Harry : Er right. Anyway, Malfoy, what are you doing here?

Malfoy: I have something to tell you Harry, you are my father.

Harry : What, but you are older than me!

Malfoy: No, I am a ver intelligent six year old and I have come to find my mother.* turns to Hermione* Hello mother.

Ron wakes from his sleep: What!!!!!!!!!!!! Hermione is this true?

Harry : Hang on a second, Malfoy, you've got the script all wrong, its meant to be Voldermort telling me he is my father, not me being your father.

Malfoy: Really? Oh well, bye dad!

Walks out of the door

Harry: I'm not your dad!

Voldermort: But I'm yours Harry.

Harry looks at a camera above his head

Harry: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Camera comes down and hits Harry on the head.

Harry : ouch. But Voldermort, you cant be my dad, I rather have anyone else as my dad, even Snape!

Snape apparates in.

Snape: Its your lucky day Potter. I am really your dad.

Harry : nooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Camera hits him on the head again

Dumbledore walks in licking a lolly pop.

Dumbledore: mmm, this is yummy, yum yum yum! Oh, whats going on here? Shtop Shtop, this episode is not ready,( this is off a beer advert with the broken fridge, the beer is brewed for longer for a better tatse with the guy from holland) What is Snaoe actually doing here so soon? Harry needs to get over the shock of Voldermort being his dad and then have the twist…

Ron: er Dumbledore, we only have so much time in each episode before freezeframe

  * *freeze frame * dum dum dum!

' Who is Harry's real dad? Is Harry Malfoy's father or not? Find out next week on Chums!'

James Potter walks in the door

James: Oh sorry am I interupting something?

Harry : Dad! You are suppose to be dead!

Dumbledore: Harry, don't you remember I once told that ones we love who are dead never really leave us? Well, I meant it quite literally.

James: There is something, I have to tell Harry, its about who your father is…

Ron: Yes, it is I, I am Harry's father

Hermione : Now I'm really calling the mental hospital.

Ron: Ok, I was joking.

James: Harry your father is…

Freeze frame no.2

Dum dum dum

Who is Harry dad?

Never find out again on Chums!

Theme tune comes up and ends.

Dumbledore jumps in front of the camera: Joins us after the break for CD:UK, my first live performance!

Mmmm, right. So that was the end of my SM:TV Live thingy. I'm not sure it was as gd as the others but hidily ho hey! I'm thinking of doing CD:UK, Dumbledore yodiloing, Snape having a duet with Siruis, Goyle, Crabbe, Malfoy, Fred and George in a boy band…. But only if I get enough reviews(hint hint!)

Disclaimer – JKR owns all character, I own the plot and the cd.uk stuff at the end and ITV own chums and SM:TV Live. Oh and that beer company own the advert thingy.


	4. Default Chapter Title

Ok, here is part 2. If you haven't read part 1 yet you probably should before you read this completely insane story. The story so far- its challenge harry and Voldie is the contestant who is obsessed with shoes and Harry's supermodel girlfriend fancies him but Voldie has had a sex change so now Ron wants to go out with Voldie and Hermione is really upset.

Harry Potter Presents SM:TV Live Part 2-

DumbledorE comes in.

Dumbledor: Voldermort, what are you doing here? I shall have to stop you from killing Harry, but I do want you to be around for my first live singing performance in CD:UK later. *** **looks at the camera * yes everyone, my first singing performance here today at 12:00, you don't want to miss it! … Now how shall we sort this out. 

Dumbly looks around.

Hermione looks close to tears and is being comforted by Harry's girlfriend who has just broken up with him. Harry is being comforted by Voldie who is giving Harry a cup of coffee and a piece of cake. Ron is trying to get back together with Hermione but spots a Veela backstage and runs off to tell her how he has invented the first banana smelling shoes.

Dumbledore smiles

Dumbledore: Right, well I don't think we can finish Challenge Harry so I think I should win. I've won a banana holder and four banans, I can wait to tell my wife whos called Gorilla and is actually a monkey. Oh yes. 

Dumbledore starts daydreaming then snaps out of it.

Dumbledore: Here is the break, join us in a few minutes for Ron Says!

Comercial Break

Corny voice -Are you fed up with cleaning the house?

Pic of Mrs. Weasley comes up nodding

Corny voice - Do wish you had someone to do all your work? Of course you do. Well if you buy a craftmatic ajustible bed today we will give you a FREE! Wonder pillow. This may not help with your cleaning but it will keep you up all night to do chores as it is so lumpy and uncomfortable! Call 12345678 now for your expensive and useless bed and taky wonderpillow!

Next Advert - 

Girl dressed in pink clothes - If you don't want it swap it! Come to swap- it- shop now! We take all you belonging, pretend to swap them but keep them for ourselfs! ( if you have Trouble you will understand by I HATE swapitshop adverts. They are on like twice every break! Oh and I know this prob isnt as gd a the last one, I'm gonna try and make it more funny now)

SM:TV Live comes back on!

Herm: And now its time for Ron Says!

Ron: Hello, yes hello Ron fans, I know how many of you there are out there. * cheesy smile and wink * Now I know so many of you have problems, I cant quite understand what it is like to have a problem but never mind, I sympathis, really I do. * sounding rather like gildroy lockhart *

Harry walks over with piece of parchement.

Ron: Ah now here is a letter from needy Dean Thomas who attends Hogwarts School. He says 'To the Brilliant and extrodinarily talented Ron, 

I have a problem, at school I can never find a date for the dances and balls, I just don't know how to ask a girl out? Please help me! 

Well Dean, you have a real problem. Now when I was at school all the girls would be crowding round me, begging for me to go with them. Yes, when I say begging I mean begging. They would give me chocolates and brooms just wishing they could go with me…..

Camera turns to Harry and we can now here his thought

Harry: Ron? Getting a date? Yeah right, the only reason Ron got brooms was because girls used them to get him away from them. If only they knew the truth… if only!

Flashback to when Ron was at school- 

McGonagall: There will be a school Dance held next Friday in the great Hall. All students may attend from years 4 and upwards.

Ron is a chubby boy with food stains all down his robes and rotten banana skins for shoes with dirty red hair and a fringe covering his eyes.

Ron: Ah great, loads of girls are gonna ask me this time, I know it! But I'm gonna ask Fleur Delacor the exchange student, I bet she's just waiting for me to ask her. Here it goes…

Ron walks up to Fleur

Ron: umm… excuse me, Fleur will you go to the dance with me cause I'm just soo sexy I am.

Fleur screams : Arrggghhh dere is a monster in the castle 'elp me, 'elp me!

Ron: No Fleur its just me, Sexy Ronald!

Big guy in his 7th yr: Get away from her you rodent!

Ron walks off and bumps in to Hermione.

Ron: Hahahaha! Its Herm the Worm who can't find a date. Hah Hah hah!

Hermione: No Ronald, don't be so mean. I'm from Birmingham. Don't you like girls from Biiiiiirmingham? * Hermione shows off her big front teeth *

Ron: HAHAHAHA! I don't like worms from um…Smellingham! Hahaha! I'm so funny!

Hermione: No you are not Ronald, your not funny. And anyway I am going with someone to the ball.

Ron: You! No way, who would go with Herm the Worm?

Hermione: Don't call me that Ronald, or I'll tell Harry.

Ron: Harry who?

Herm: Harry, my date to the dance.

The ground starts shaking and Harry walks in rather larger than normal eating a cake or two or three.

Ron: Hah hah hah! It s Harry. He is so big the ground shake when he burps.

Herm: Don't be mean Ronald.

Ron: I don't like being nice to Worms and ..and ..and elephants!

Harry in a very high voice: Ronald, don't be mean about my size! And don't call Hermione a worm. She may be a bookworm but she is very nice and not a worm. 

Harry and Hermione walk off leaving Ron by himself.

Ron: Oh, no one will go with me, not even Herm the Worm. Never mind, I 'm sure there is someone in this school who finds me irrisistable!

Ron runs off and girls screams can be heard from his direction.

Back to the studio:

Ron: So I used to have to have a rota so all the girls could go with me. They had to have dances every night just for me so I could fit everyone in. I was always the king of the Dance. Anyway I hope that has answered all your questions Dean Thomas. Join me next week for more Ron Says * chessy smile and wink *

Hermione : And now its time for a comercial break but we'll be back with Chums if there are enough reviews! (hint hint!)

Okay,so any of you who thought I wasn't insane before probably now do! So Chums I'll do prob if I get reviews. Cya when I cya (except I will probably never ever c ne of you people ever! Or maybe I'm watching you right now. Yes I can c what your doing. I think you are on the internet on a computer. I feel a bit like Proffesor Trewelewny, maybe I should stop now. Oh yeah Disclaimer: jkr owns the character, ITV OWNS sm:tv including dec says and channelge harry or ant.

Now I'm off to watch the wonderful Charmed and say hello to The Power of Three, yipee! Ah, if only I could freeze time….


	5. Default Chapter

Here is part 3 of SM:TV Live, it does not have that much 2 do with the   
other parts but u should definitely read then first. Hope ya like it!  
  
  
Herm: And now here is Chums!  
Lots of cheering!  
Theme tune comes up with Harry, Hermione and Ron hitting each other on the heads with umbrellas.   
Jumping about etc.  
'Never thought that comedy could ever be this way!  
Ever week a different show, yet turn out all the same!  
We'll be Chums forevver!  
Forever  
We will be Chums!'  
Corny theme tune ends  
Herm: Chums is filmed before we have time to think up a good plot.  
Ron and Harry are siting in the Chums living room.  
Ron: Ah, Harry, I'm so glad we changed our minds about become spades for the rest of our lives.  
Harry: er… Ron, when did we ever even consider becoming spades?  
Ron: Oops, that was just one of my dreams again. I had a nice one last night, I was sand at a beach, lots of little grains of sand…..  
Harry: Hermione! Ron has gone insane again, should I call the mental hospital?  
Hermione walks out of the door that seems to lead to all of the bedrooms, the loo, the kitchen (even though its painted on the wall)etc…  
Hermione: Erm, no, lets just put him to sleep. Lift a pink sledge hammer and stufts it into Rons mouth  
Them hits him on the head.  
Snores erupt from Ron's large frekaly (I cant spell) nose.   
Knock Knock.  
Hermione: Who could that be?  
Walks over and opens the door.  
Herm: Its Draco Malfoy!  
Malfoy: Hello you sad freaks, is this where you live now? HAHAHAHAhahahahhaha!hhhuhuhuhuh  
uhu.  
Malfoy's laughs turn into tears.  
Malfoy: You are so lucky!This is heaven compaired to where I live! I live in a pig sty, literally, Voldie was not to please when   
I stuck that muggle pencil up his nose and he could not get it out...  
Bows down his head  
Harry: Malfoy, what are you doing here? You can't come and live with us if that's what you want.  
Ron starts mubbling in his sleep and everyone turns to look at him.  
Ron: Me and Hermione all alone in the flat, I think, yes, I think   
I'm going to kiss her, here goes. Ding Dong oh no there is someone   
at the door and I cant kiss my beloved Hermione.  
Harry and Malfoy look at Hermione who is blushing a deep red.  
Hermione: Maybe now would be a good time to call the mental hospital   
eh?  
Harry : Er right. Anyway, Malfoy, what are you doing here?  
Malfoy: I have something to tell you Harry, you are my father.  
Harry : What, but you are older than me!  
Malfoy: No, I am a ver intelligent six year old and I have come to  
find my mother.* turns to Hermione* Hello mother.  
Ron wakes from his sleep: What!!!!!!!!!!!! Hermione is this true?  
Harry : Hang on a second, Malfoy, you've got the script all wrong,   
its meant to be Voldermort telling me he is my father, not me being   
your father.  
Malfoy: Really? Oh well, bye dad!  
Walks out of the door  
Harry: I'm not your dad!  
Voldermort: But I'm yours Harry.  
Harry looks at a camera above his head  
Harry: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  
Camera comes down and hits Harry on the head.  
Harry : ouch. But Voldermort, you cant be my dad, I rather have  
anyone else as my dad, even Snape!  
Snape apparates in.  
Snape: Its your lucky day Potter. I am really your dad.  
Harry : nooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
Camera hits him on the head again  
Dumbledore walks in licking a lolly pop.  
Dumbledore: mmm, this is yummy, yum yum yum! Oh, whats going on here?  
Shtop Shtop, this episode is not ready,( this is off a beer advert  
with the broken fridge, the beer is brewed for longer for a better   
tatse with the guy from holland) What is Snaoe actually doing here  
so soon? Harry needs to get over the shock of Voldermort being his   
dad and then have the twist…  
Ron: er Dumbledore, we only have so much time in each episode before   
freezeframe  
· *freeze frame * dum dum dum!  
' Who is Harry's real dad? Is Harry Malfoy's father or not? Find out  
next week on Chums!'  
James Potter walks in the door  
James: Oh sorry am I interupting something?  
Harry : Dad! You are suppose to be dead!  
Dumbledore: Harry, don't you remember I once told that ones we love  
who are dead never really leave us? Well, I meant it quite literally.  
James: There is something, I have to tell Harry, its about who your  
father is…  
Ron: Yes, it is I, I am Harry's father  
Hermione : Now I'm really calling the mental hospital.  
Ron: Ok, I was joking.  
James: Harry your father is…  
Freeze frame no.2  
Dum dum dum  
Who is Harry dad?  
Never find out again on Chums!  
Theme tune comes up and ends.  
Dumbledore jumps in front of the camera: Joins us after the break for  
CD:UK, my first live performance!  
  
Mmmm, right. So that was the end of my SM:TV Live thingy. I'm not sure  
it was as gd as the others but hidily ho hey!   
I'm thinking of doing CD:UK, Dumbledore yodiloing, Snape having a duet  
with Siruis, Goyle, Crabbe, Malfoy, Fred and George in a boy band….  
But only if I get enough reviews(hint hint!)  
Disclaimer - JKR owns all character, I own the plot and the cd.uk  
stuff at the end and ITV own chums and SM:TV Live. Oh and that beer   
company own the advert thingy.  



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